


How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

by neophytical



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, F/M, Sexism, the friend zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-04
Updated: 2012-10-04
Packaged: 2017-11-15 15:32:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neophytical/pseuds/neophytical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An extremely cracky ficlet (with added flakes of crackiness) in which Sherlock is female and John is in the friend zone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rant piece because grr, the friend zone is sexist and there are so many ignorant people asldhsdlfj'gajlsd;

John was frustrated. Sexually, that is. That nymph Sherlock just wouldn't give him a chance! First she'd taken John out on a date (John's progressive, he doesn't mind feeling a bit emasculated by a girl asking him out). But the date at Angelo's was a disaster -it wasn't even a proper date! She'd just sat there with her porcelain skin and devilish cheekbones talking about another guy, of all things. John sort of remembers she was chasing a murderous cab-driver or something. John wasn't really listening. 

Eventually he got to shoot the cab-driver. That was pretty cool. But even though John manfully saved Sherlock's life, she doesn't seem to want him like she should.

John is in the friend zone, and it's all Sherlock's fault.

 

1 Year Later

Sherlock was laughing, and John was giggling -they'd just solved a case. The humid air of the London alleyway sparked between them, and John pulled Sherlock towards him for a passionate snog. Sherlock seems to enjoy this initially, but she pulls back quickly. A frustrated sigh, "John, no."

John was shocked and upset and hurt. "Sherlock, you have to know I want you. Please. If you'd just give me a chan-"

"No." Sherlock walked away and she disappeared into the crowded street.

 

1 More Year Later

Sherlock hurries inside, freezing from the rain, and John goes to her -with a kiss for her cheek and a hot mug of tea to warm her hands. Sherlock eagerly returns the kiss and sits the mug down in favour of warming her hands on John.They have been together for half a year. With a chuckle John warns Sherlock that she'll get a cold if she doesn't warm up soon and motions her to the fireplace. "You know, you never did tell me what changed," he muses. 

"I'll assume you're referring to my reasons for choosing you as a partner. First, once I turned you down you stopped idealising me beyond reason," Sherlock intones. John scoffs, because of course Sherlock thinks it's fine to be idolised, but only within reason. 

"Second, you kept thinking of yourself as in the friend zone, which was rude and awful. It had to change."  
"Hey! You're the one who put me there..." John says.  
"Let's get this sorted out," she presses a kiss to his temple, "The friend zone was your way of degrading my friendship and casting it as a type of hell to be endured in the quest for romance and sex," she licks the shell of his ear, "and you were acting like a self-entitled pig." John rubs against her cold body. "Friend zoning is a sexist concept that men use to throw a pity party for themselves, and I wanted you to be better than that." She gyrates her hips into his pelvis. "In any case, now that you think of me as an equal I rather enjoy doing this," she moans as she undoes his zipper.

**Author's Note:**

> The friend zone is sexist:
> 
> http://fozmeadows.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/lamenting-the-friend-zone-or-the-nice-guy-approach-to-perpetrating-sexist-bullshit/
> 
> http://lawsonry.com/2012/08/when-nice-guys-arent/


End file.
